Do The Work! Honest Healing

Sunrise during Winter Solstice, 2024

Since I started my journey of healing about seven years ago, I found what works for me and what I needed to adjust. Sure, there was therapy and journaling before that, but October of 2018 was when I finally decided to figure out me, and I dove in head first. I actively pursued all the things. I participated in art therapy, guided meditation, intention setting, journaling, yoga, somatics, speaking to intuitives, astrology, Human Design, massage, breathwork, Family Constellations, meditative hiking, ceremony/ritual, and yes, Reiki. I know, it's a long list. I even left some modalities out. They would be a solution for a time, then I found myself right back where I started.... searching for why I felt like I was missing something.

I received my Reiki I and II training from Sandra MacCready-Clark. She has an awesome healing practice called Sacred Spiral Healing. Learning Reiki from her was one of the deepest parts of my healing journey and it opened me up to all the different modalities that are available. Sandy taught me confidence and instilled in me a new curiosity to learn more.

But, I was still looking for the best "other thing" that would be the ticket to all the answers I was seeking. I followed the directions and rules for the modality, participated, did extra research so I could understand all angles of the work including possibly becoming a practitioner, and even let a few emotions surface. In a moment of clarity, I realized that I was looking for the modality to do ALL the work for me. I was passing the buck. I was not taking responsibility for my own healing. I was having profound experiences but not really looking at myself through those experiences. I was glossing over everything, ignoring the difficult stuff, and claiming that I was healing. It was only when I finally decided to cut the bullshit and do the work that I started to find those parts of me that were missing.

I don't think there is a true end to healing work. There isn't a destination called "Healed." There's deep understanding and profound sadness. There's relief and a feeling of safety, There's peace and even joy. Then you go deeper and become more authentic. You have setbacks and bounce back quicker. You hope. You share.

I would like to tell you about more of the amazing people I met along the way. I was introduced to breathwork when I went on a retreat to Sedona, AZ. It was through a company called Sedona Soul Adventures.

Cathedral Rock, Sedona, AZ

This was a one-on-one three day retreat. Breathwork was the first thing I did on that Soul Adventure. The session was facilitated by a woman in her home just north of Sedona. The view from her front room was amazing in itself. And after the breathwork session, I would get a massage from that same facilitator. (Those who know me well, know how I love a good massage!)

There are different types of breathwork. Generally, you do a specific pattern of breathing, enter somewhat of an altered state, and that allows your body to release stuck emotions. This facilitator was trained by Gwen Payne. Gwen works with Sedona Soul Adventures and has her own healing practice in Sedona. I think this breathwork session was when I started to understand that your system holds stuff you don't realize your holding. It was life-changing and I could have gone home after just that session. (Well, after the massage anyway.) So, me being me, I had to figure it all out. I looked up Gwen and reached out to her. I just had to speak with her and do the breathwork training she offered once a year. Gwen is a no nonsense, extremely gifted healer. She's real, down to earth, and I felt a pull to work with her. I had one more year left to teach, so I couldn't attend the training last year, but I found a different way to work with her the following winter.

That winter I was introduced to Family Constellations. Gwen invited me to join a group of women to do an eight week training over Zoom. I found my chance to work with Gwen. We each created our own altar to study. With Gwen's guidance, we worked through the process with our own and observed each other's constellation evolve.

My Family Constellations altar

Family Constellations is a system to look at patterns that have passed down through your ancestral line and gives you ways to break and mend those patterns. I learned a lot about myself, was able to witness other's healing, and got to watch Gwen work. It was beautiful.

My last year of teaching was stressful and emotionally charged. So, I went back to Sedona in April, did a breathwork session with Gwen in person and did a "graduate" Soul Adventure. I couldn't capture the same healing I had experienced before. I'll admit, I was discouraged. Where was the confidence and knowing that I was doing the work to heal? If you read my first blog post, you know about the therapist that calls me on my bullshit. She did it again. She's so damn patient, it makes me mad sometimes. I mean, why can't I do this myself? Why can't I just heal and be done with it? And there it is, right? There was the belief that "healed" was a destination. My therapist reflected what I was saying to her back to me. She didn't give me the map I thought I was following, she gave me all the crap I was saying to myself to hurry up and be "healed." Again, it finally hit me that I was trying to make the amazing people I met, and the modalities they facilitate, do all of the transformational work for me.

So it is back to the beginning. I've told all of my stories but now I'm going back, being honest, not saying what I read in a book or heard on a podcast, and tackling the heavy stuff. And I'm doing those cool things I did in Sedona to compliment that work. I constantly have to remind myself that a healing path doesn't have to be perfect. Being nice, using polite language, demonstrating good grammar, and always being right does not always belong in healing work. A lot of the work is crying, yelling profanity, spending the day in your Wonder Woman onesie, and a deep silence that will get me to a place I deserve and belong.

Don't judge me.

If you are interested, I left the links to Sandy's Facebook, Gwen's website and Sedona Soul Adventures website below.

Sandy usually offers Reiki classes once a month and has other offerings each week or so. She's open, honest, a gifted intuitive, and has a great sense of humor. Check out her Facebook page for her scheduled events.

I'm going to miss Gwen's breathwork training again this year, but I'm going keep it in my calendar. She offers a free "Breath is Prayer" ceremony the beginning of every month. It's on zoom. You can find information on her website. I can't recommend it enough. The music Gwen picks and her guidance is spot on and truly meaningful. Breathing with a group adds that extra bit of energy.

Sedona Soul Adventures offers individual and couples retreats. Each retreat is one-on-one and tailored specifically to your needs. They provide you with a coach before the retreat and another coach for follow up care after you complete the retreat. I also highly recommend this experience. It changed my life.

Sacred Spiral Healing (Sandra MacCready-Clark): https://www.facebook.com/SacredSpiral11

Inspired Sedona (Gwen Payne): https://www.inspiredsedona.com/

Sedona Soul Adventures: https://sedonasouladventures.com/